


As Of A Dream

by ItalianRampallian (Anglo_Salad)



Category: The Avengers (Marvel) - All Media Types
Genre: M/M, Multi, Other, poptart thor, wow this is old
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-12-26
Updated: 2018-12-29
Packaged: 2019-09-28 04:33:41
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 2
Words: 1,405
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17175980
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Anglo_Salad/pseuds/ItalianRampallian





	1. Chapter 1

His dreams, when they occur, are broken little things. Jagged edges of color and movement perform between torn curtains, a soundtrack of emotions accompanying each second.

They're not honest dreams, as it were. More like memories.

(He's not sure he wants to remember, really.)

When he finally comes to, there's a slender, gloved hand gripping his own, a red cloud resting on his chest.

He chuckles a bit, and she starts.

"Bruce!" Her eyes are red, almost as if she had been worried over him.

(And the idea that she might care about him makes the pain in his chest worth it.)

Before he can say a word, she's up and ushering in the others. They all give their own greetings, saddled with relieved smiles, and he can't get a syllable in edgewise.

(He's not sure what he'd say, anyway.)

"I knew you'd wake up, Jolly Green," comes from Clint, and Natasha swipes him along the back of the head.

The woman herself wraps her arms around his shoulders and squeezes tentatively. "I thought you were going to-" She cuts off, breath irregular, and he pats her on the back. When she pulls away, her eyes are steel. "If you do anything like that again, I'll kill you myself."

Phil's greeting is heralded by a bottle of water shoved into one hand, a chocolate-chip cookie in the other. A smile, "Welcome back, Soldier."

Thor is overbearing as always, arms full of what look to be gifts. "Banner, you've awoken! I'm told that it is Midgardian tradition to give gifts when a friend is ill. Baked goods, stuffed creatures, and flowers seem to be the most common, but I was not sure what you preferred, so I applied-"

"He got a bit of everything," Clint supplies, "But, may I say, the man can bake."

(If the cookie is any indication, he'll have to agree.)

When Steve enters, his smile is a bit more worried than relieved, and his eyes are pinched with anxiety.

(Bruce is reminded of the reality of his being so young as well as so old.)

A nod, "Good to see you awake."

(He had actually expected less than that.)

He takes a breath, eyes the door, and waits for the supernova.

He's going to be surprised anyway, he knows, when Tony walks through the door with a smile like the sun and eyes to match, and offers him a handful of blueberries.

(Always blueberries.)

He's confused when it never comes.

"Tony?" He asks, and Natasha grips his hand again, tighter.

That's enough to send him into a panic, as his heart starts to race, and he can practically feel the green burn into his eyes.

"Cap," He begins, and Steve flinches at the name, "Tony?"

"I'm sorry," Comes the muttered reply, "We found his suit-"

(Nonononono not Tony, please.)

Natasha removes her hand, the only grounding he has right now, and her voice is choked with tears but still so professional.

"Iron Man Mark 42 was found crushed, pieces contaminated with human blood and a radioactive green liquid."

He feels his eyes burn as eyes burn into him, and the heart monitor beside him goes crazy.

He never Hulks out.

Instead, he sobs.

Natasha doesn't try to touch him, this time.

(He almost wishes she would, because he could almost pretend she was Betty and this was all a nightmare.)

When Clint hands him a familiar grey t-shirt, he refuses to let go.

(It smells like oil and rubbing alcohol and lemons, and he hugs it to his chest as he lets out a stifled little scream.)

His dreams have always been more like nightmares, but now he thinks he would give anything to remember them.

(Because even watching himself kill his best friend would give him an extra few seconds to remember him by.)


	2. Chapter 2

He takes to staying in big cities.

Sure, he starts out in the small villages, working as a healer for room and board, and sure, he's used to it.

But it's  _Life Before Tony_ , and he can't handle it.

(Besides, he tells himself, it's easier to blend in among the masses, and there are always clinics that need more staff.)

Tokyo becomes his home for a while, bouncing from internet café to inn and working wherever he can make a buck.

He picks up  _Go_ , and the teenagers at the cafés are always surprised when he beats them in whatever video game.

(At one point, he gets a job at a host club, and they make sure he always wears royal blue, and if that's not one of the more interesting things he'll do in life, he'll be surprised.)

Paris is interesting, full of starving artists and cobblestone streets.

He works at a café, a little hole-in-the-wall corner, for a bit of change and a small room upstairs.

He serves maybe twenty people a day, and it's not long before he knows all their names.

(One night, he takes a woman he's just met to the Eifell Tower, and he regrets it almost as soon as he's done it.)

London is dreary and cold, but he's spent his life in worse enviroments, and at least the people know how to brew a proper cup of tea.

He gets a job at Harrod's, selling just about everything to anyone who's willing to pay for it.

(At one point, he finds himself hunting down a pack of maxi-pads for Joanne Rowling, and she asks if she could use him as a character muse. He doesn't freak out until she's safely out the door.)

He shares a flat with an engineer named Craig, whose wife has just left him. He's a sarcastic little man who makes Bruce want to laugh and cry all at once.

('Do you know, your eyes change color when you're angry?' and Bruce laughs, despite the pull in his stomach.)

Somehow, the Tower always remains his default setting for 'home.'

-

The hallucinations start sometime in Paris, and for a while, he humors them.

It's nice, actually, sitting in his room with a pad of paper and sketching out ideas with Tony again.

It's calming to have his best friend there in the café, just talking to him as he rolls out the dough for a pie.

('It should be blueberry,' Tony says, and Bruce wordlessly grabs the ingredients, a sentimental little smile crossing his face.)

He only realizes how far he's fallen when Madame tells him she's concerned.

"You talk to yourself," She says, "You hardly leave your room. Je suis inquiet, Bruce."

(He cries himself to sleep that night, because he had been foolish enough to believe.)

He ignores Tony from then on, and eventually he vanishes.

He returns with a vengeance when Bruce is with Angelique, pointing out her every flaw and habit, until Bruce finds it hard to be around her.

('Really, Bruce, are you this desperate?' He asks the night he takes her to a dinner they both know he can't afford, and points out the hickeys on her neck that Bruce had definitely not given her.)

He finally has an excuse to leave her when she's pregnant with another man's child, and he doesn't think of her again.

The memories are quieted when Bruce moves to London, and a subconscious part of him wonders if it's because Craig's almost like Tony that he can pretend things are almost okay.

(He still hears Tony talking to him every once in a while, but at least that means he can remember what Tony sounded like.)

There are still cracks in his shell, something that becomes obvious whenever someone calls him with news on the search for any trace of Tony Stark.

(It's gone worldwide now, even though it's been almost a year and everyone knows he's got to be dead.)

It's a job usually handed to Clint, but even the sound of his Sesame Street  _'Doin' the Pigeon'_  ringtone can't keep Bruce from dreading what news may come.

(It's always the same, anyway. 'Nothing yet.')

So he watches the calendar every day, getting closer and closer to a year. He answers the phone every time, even though he knows what he'll hear.

On 365, he calls in sick, and Craig brings him tea and an old physics textbook and pretends not to hear the sobs when he leaves.

On 367, Pepper calls to tell him that they're planning a funeral.

(He doesn't go.)


End file.
